rant: my boss again

i’m barely holding onto my job at this point. i think there trying to get rid of me so there trying to push me.

you know what, im fuckin pissed.

dear my boss:

Because i want my job so badly, I will do whatever you tell me to do. You are my boss and you have earned the right to give me ridiculous tasks. You tell me two opposite things, i will still attempt to do them. If you tell me to start a pallet at 5:30am but not to get overtime, i will still try. If you tell me to put a pallet up without a behr tag, or put a shopping cart where it doesn’t belong, then blame me when upper management gets mad, i will take the heat for it. Because you are my boss and I am a lemming and you have earned that right.

I will not, however, take hearing the unprofessional bullshit that spews out of your mouth any longer. It is not professional to constantly name call, tease, insult, or talk about your employees to their peers. I have heard you talk about me to all of my coworkers and I am now almost completely ostracized from my team. I have heard you say very personal things about everyone in the store to my coworkers. I don’t know what you have against me personally, but this needs to stop.

If you want me to do something myself, tell me. You want me to do all the aisles, say so. Don’t tell my coworkers “don’t help her, she doesn’t work as hard as you. she deserves to suffer.” I feel like you are trying to get me fired.

Everything that has gone wrong with this crew is because of you. You turned us against eachother. Everytime someone offers to help me, you order them not to, or tell them something untrue about me. “Rosa did all her pallets.” no she didn’t. you let other people take credit for my work all the time. you tell managers things about me.

If you have a problem with me or the amount of work i’ve done, you tell me. Stop turning my coworkers against me. We used to be a team. If I wanted to do 26s handstacks and small boxes, and he wants to do my big stuff because we’d both be faster, nothing is wrong with that. Its efficient.

I have kept my mouth shut this long because my job depends on you. But my sanity is starting to go and I look bad at my job because of you. You will become a professional boss and stop using your employees as your peers.

They may like to gossip about everyone on the day crew, but this is night crew and we have too much work to do to tolerate that shit.


Lazy Day

~Lazy Day~

I want to cuddle in warm blankets and stay that way

Roll around all day watching cartoons and laughing

Drinking beer and eating cranberries and finding life hilarious

Laying on the beach sand in my hair waves at my feet


I want to be lazy each and every day im with you

With nothing left to do but play in the sun

Stay up all night long with video games and fake guitar songs

Do nothing with our lives but enjoy every passing moment


I want to stop worrying about work, my mom, and when you’ll be gone

I want the pressure of not being good enough to go away

Along with the obligations I have to memories of my past

I want to move forward and not hold myself back like I do


And spend each and every moment of time wasting my life with you.


random poetry

new poetry blog based on random photos:

i see the world through endless eyes
thoughts reflecting cloudless skies
a world that lacks goodbyes and heart ache
potential to live
full of wonder and amazement
in each little speck
of star dust.

i am not cold and dead
i am alive and filled with wonder
of the breath that enters my being
pure icy thrilling
i stretch my mind to the endless possibilities
that await only the young
life has just begun
and i am the
mystical magical nymph
chosen by a higher power
to live it.



you are my sad goodbye
in a lullaby
in the middle of the night
the cradle that rocks
in an empty room
i sit alone
and no one comes home to find me.

the great and powerful mainland

every time i post something like “one day I’m gonna be successful” or “one day I’m gonna own this car” someone always has to say “you gotta move to the mainland to do that.”

okay, if the mainland is such a land of opportunity, then what the hell are you doing here. oh maybe im just made for success but you came here because you wanted a mediocre underpaid life you seem to accuse me of? the great and powerful mainland. Can’t be anything tilll you’ve gone there. your just an ignorant savage girl with a closed mind because you’ve never lived in the mainland. oooh. then they tell me “well i moved out at 24 (or something) and lived on my own and thats why im successful.” i don’t understand why i have to travel 3000 miles to be equal when you moved 10 from your mother. i just dont get it.

im frickin irritated with this “mainland is the only way for everything” bull crap. that no matter what i achieve, im always gonna be behind your lazy, couch slouching ass because your from big ol CA. I get the same pay check, work at the same place as you why are you considered successfully living your life and I haven’t grown up yet? Seems to me were in the same place so were even.

And as for open mindedness, I am more open minded than any of these Cali migrants i’ve met. At least I know the difference between Chinese and Japanese and I don’t think Japanese and Asian are two different nationalities!

Ever just wanna tell someone to go fuck themselves in their high and mighty ass.


right now.

right now i stink im sticking i need a shower and to get started to the day. but im so tired i wanna collapse in a dirty pile on the floor and nap.

and daydream about winning the lottery, buying my own place. then buying a ninja 1000, having personal riding lessons, and buying an Acura NSX. Silver. With vanity plate saying DTH*STR 😀


Acura NSX Concept

My Dream Car

another weekend gone

another weekend gone, another monday. and yet this one i can’t stop thinking about. im afraid to move forward into a new day. afraid to learn that it was all nothing it was all fake and afraid to be smashed down. i had a good weekend. i don’t want it to be taken away by harsh words or someones mean text.

i did it. i let go. everything i described earlier of just wanting to let go and enjoy myself i did. sat night. i had one night where i stopped being the control freak. stopped hiding what i wanted and asked. i did something ill probably never do again and i really enjoyed it.

and now im not sure what to do. what can i do that can possibly compare with such an amazing night. i promised never to do it again. and i wont. i guess for one night i felt normal, loved, un-judged, and happy. and now im not sure what im supposed to do.

if the rest of my life could be like that night, where i can be myself and be loved without worrying about loosing everything, i would be happy. But i’m afraid to find out that that’s impossible and will never happen. So i’m afraid to move forward.

I guess I really have no choice. Heres to taking the first step and discovering if the future is as bleak and it seems.

looking through the window

Looking through the Window


i miss you.


every night when the sun gets dark

my mind starts panicking

im not home

im not with you

i am alone.


i want to hear the tv running in the background

and your voice laughing at insignificant childish things.

i want to sit in a corner warm and ignored

and just watch.


soft pillows and stuffed animals

warm blankets and toffee colored carpets

glowing lights and life and activity

dishes clanking, running water, the shower going

cold beers and happy times.


i do not want to be in a cold dark world

made of night and dust and endless silence

where no one exists but the ones with zipped lips.

when everyone smiles, we slave away

away from families friends and warm glowing lights

from sitcoms and late night comedians

and beds and dinners and kisses good night.


i want inside the jar

with you.