going nowhere fast

okay heres where i stand and why im mad

life, aint going no where.

my job: filled with favoritism and bull shit. managers that don’t like smart employees because smart employees are the threat so they crush you if they see you advancing. so if you do a good job you hide it so your not a threat to anyone but then you get in trouble for not being worth your weight in feces. add that to the fact that i work for the most misogynistic  male dominated piece of shit company that only appreciates big arms and sees me as a useless little girl that  is lucky to have a job. the only women that get on the good list are the ones that use sex and there bodies and bat there eyes to get anywhere. i am not sexy. i am hard working, humble, and plain. i do not wear tight pants, have a big ass, or kiss ass. in other words, im not going anywhere soon with this job no matter how hard i try.

 

my “relationship:”  what relationship?  everyone assumes i have one. “why don’t you guys live together?” “why don’t you guys come to work together” “why arn’t you guys married” “doesn’t he support or help you out?”

he won’t even give me a frickin sandwhich when im starving. when i’m bleeding from an accident he tells me “don’t bleed on my shit. you woke me up.” he doesn’t check to see im all right after ive dissapeared for days. he never calls. one time i didn’t have money for medicine to save my life, he said he was saving it so i had to drive across the island to the ex to save my life. always the frickin case.

he says he can’t ever cohabitate with me. that im messy. ive said this before but this screams “NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!” every time he chooses himself over me in serious situations. the years i spent sleeping on floors, in my car, so he could be comfortable. i can’t figure out of this is a mainland thing or he’s always been a douche. im pretty sure i’ve written a tone about his douchinesss. i told myself i’d see if we were going anywhere. we are: backwards.

 

my personal life: i struggle making friends. i just don’t trust anyone. everyone wants something from me. my art career aint going no where. don’t have time for shows due to stupid job. don’t have time for friends cause whenever i make some is when he calls me back. shit ain’t going nowhere fast around here.

 

i told myself if anything was going forward, i would stay and try it out. if he asked to live together it would give me a reason to stay. but i have more chance of winning the lottery. so i guess i gotta figure out some way to get outta here, distance myself from the thing i let pull me back, and find a place where my talents are appreciated instead of feared.

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