another weekend gone

another weekend gone, another monday. and yet this one i can’t stop thinking about. im afraid to move forward into a new day. afraid to learn that it was all nothing it was all fake and afraid to be smashed down. i had a good weekend. i don’t want it to be taken away by harsh words or someones mean text.

i did it. i let go. everything i described earlier of just wanting to let go and enjoy myself i did. sat night. i had one night where i stopped being the control freak. stopped hiding what i wanted and asked. i did something ill probably never do again and i really enjoyed it.

and now im not sure what to do. what can i do that can possibly compare with such an amazing night. i promised never to do it again. and i wont. i guess for one night i felt normal, loved, un-judged, and happy. and now im not sure what im supposed to do.

if the rest of my life could be like that night, where i can be myself and be loved without worrying about loosing everything, i would be happy. But i’m afraid to find out thatĀ that’sĀ impossible and will never happen. So i’m afraid to move forward.

I guess I really have no choice. Heres to taking the first step and discovering if the future is as bleak and it seems.