do you know that im gone

he didn’t even realize i left! wth!

 

two days ago he bagged on me right after he said wed hang. yesterday he bagged on me and didn’t invite me. today he invited me then as soon as i got there left me alone to go spend time with his roomates. why am i in this mess.

im feeling so very alone lately. im crushing and hitting on everything that walks by with an unhealthy sense of desperateness. its like a horny dog that seeks intimacy instead of sex. men don’t know the difference.

feel like im in a dark place. but i guess thats nothing new.

 

———————

 

do you know that im gone

did you hear the silence as i fell away from you

is my absence noticed 

or are you so fixated on your games and tv shows and friends

that it hasn’t even registered

theres a hole in your world.

 

will you know when im dead

will you come to my funeral and pretend to cry

will you ask about me months after

what ever happened to that girl

that used to sit on you floor 

and stare at you

hoping you’d notice

before she was gone.

 

do you know that i’m here?

leaving

im leaving tonight. I didn’t tell him. I havent spoken to him in a long time. i don’t know why i didn’t say anything. i just wanna disappear from the world for a bit. let him know he’s not my world. let him know what it feels like to be left out of my life. like he leaves me out.

i’m taking a moment for myself. i need to get away for a bit. its all too much for me. im starting to crumble and forget myself. i wish I could take my board. but my family would flip out. and with all the other stuff im taking it would be hard to carry. i really would love to take it though. but then they’d make me take the helmet. and thats so not cool.

the moth is flying. away from the light. at least for a little while. if she would get around to changing her flight!

obsession and moth

ever think that a moth is obsessed to the point of suicidal. I mean clearly the bright thing they gravitate to is bad for them. But they’ll hurl themselves at it to the point of insanity. Recking there bodies against windows, burning themselves in fire, catching there wings in the surrounding webs over and over and over again. I mean this is what obsession does to people right. Makes a person want something thats bad for you no matter how much it hurts.

Passion

Watching Glee   the whitney episode. lots of emotion in this one. makes me think while watching kurt sing to blaine.

 

My life lacks passion. Its filled with Hate and Guilt. I’m watching him sing and i remember when I did that, when I felt that way. I need to find myself again. I need to reinvent myself. I need to cut off the rotten part of me and grow new wings. Let go of the guilt I feel for ruining someones life. Let go of the anger, jelousy and hate I feel towards the other one. Theres a reason why its all not working out.

 

Spread my wings and fly and find myself again.